Seek and Ye Shall Find...

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear.
She said, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!" The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!" This time, he figured he'd better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.

He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me sir, could I help you?"

The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."

The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!"

Mexican abuelita

Lawyers should never ask a mexican grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

During a trial in a small town in south texas, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly mexican abuelita to the stand. He approached her and asked, "senora sanchez, do you know me?"

She responded, "si, i know you mr. Williams. I know you since you were a mocoso chorriado, and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me, to your family and to your community. You lie, you cheat on you wife, and you manipulate people, and you think you're a big shot when you are nada, pura basura. Yes, i know you baboso."

The lawyer was stunned, not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, mrs. Sanchez, "do you know the defense attorney ?"

Again she replied, "claro que si. I've known mr. Rodriguez since he was a mocoso travieso too. He's a lazy puto, and he has a drinking problem. He can't keep a normal relationship with nobody, and he is the most pendejo lawyer in the state. And not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different putas. One of them was your wife! You remember? I know mr. Rodriguez; his mama is not proud of him tambien."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge then asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "if either of you cabrones asks her if she knows me, i'll send you both to the electric chair."